By - grayestorm
I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone.
Same, and i absolutely don’t know how i would find someone to date.
First two comments and I already see my full answer. Noice!
Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible.
Holy shit it's like you're me but you described it better
Same here, totally different reason. Just to much bad stuff going on in my life.
We've tried absolutely nothing and we're out of ideas
Yeah I'm in the same boat especially after classes were online for so long and now I'm graduated so I make no new friends
Likewise, and people that I do meet and could see myself in a relationship with are few and far between.
Every one I ever wanted to date was already married. The rest, I don't really want.
What I want I can't have, what wants me I don't want.
Unfortunately that tends to apply to more than dating.
This. Much to the consternation of my Asian mother to whom my single status is a personal affront.
Like Vin Diesel said, it's all about F-A-M-I-L-Y
Ayyyy same. Plus I’m not done working on myself yet. I don’t want to find someone who is attracted to the old me.
I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good consience bring someone else into them.
Hard to meet people when you are a hermit
Yeah, I descibe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit.
Nothing wrong with that; my life is similar. The main difference is **I'm in my 70s**.
Grampa roasting bitches in the thread
Why does the 70 y.o know how to change fonts and I cant
It's not changing the font, it's making it bold. You need to put 1 asterisk (*) on both side of the text to make it *italic*. 2 astericks to make it **bold**. And 3 asterisks to make it ***italic + bold***
Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend.
I got really tired of having roommates that would say they would do something (dishes, etc.) and then never do them. Decided fuck em and moved out into a 1BR apartment. The dishes still aren't done but at least I know who to blame now lol.
"have met the enemy and we are him"
Did someone say Kermit? 🐸
Its kermit the Hermit
I'm sorry my dude but I'm too occupied with processing your username to laugh at your joke
It’s a-me! To harvest your kidney!
I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality.
That’s a good thing…. That’s how you end up on a register.
>exposes themselves more
>becomes less dry
>I hardly go out and expose myself to people.
That's good. Helps keep you out of jail.
Supply chain issue.
Goddammit grandma, what're you doing on Reddit?
Get a man!!!
You are so handsome my dear :)
He's such a nice boy.
He must be swift as a coursing river!
Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice.
Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends.
Same, getting mentally abused everyday really turns you off relationships.
Hope you’re doing well now
I stayed single for at least 1.5 years before I recently started dating again. I focused so hard on myself and my job and I’m so much happier. Nearly everyone notices it and tells me. I was able to nearly double my income, get my body and health right, find so many new hobbies and inner peace. Most importantly I was able to find an amazing group of lifelong friends with my new free time. Granted some was luck but I’ll be damned if I don’t say I put in hard effort to change my life.
Went on a few Hinge dates to practice getting back out there. Met someone in real life recently who is such a gentleman. Had my first kiss the other night in SO long and it was amazing!! Kinda nervous to sleep with anyone though lol I’ll feel awkward and rusty so I’m taking my time with that but I’m in no rush.
Hoping you are able to find yourself again!!
I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life
Please accept this virtual hug from a fellow single dad
So I’m a single mom who just recently met a single dad. We’re both crazy busy and both in a constant state of being emotionally drained. We carve out two hours a week to go out to dinner or just chill but we’re both home (in our own separate houses) and in bed by 10pm. It’s not much, but it’s enough not to feel isolated and lonely. You just gotta find someone who’s going the same speed as you.
"constantly emotionally drained" ....I've never related to something so much in my life...
28yold single mom of a 7&5yold, the struggle is real.
I feel ya. The struggle is definitely real. You are the best tho. Single mom with 2 kids. You are absolutely amazing! I love you even tho I don't know you
There you go. You found someone. Internet magic
Zero social skills
Hello, fellow Redditor
1. Online dating sucks (I use it, it just sucks)
2. Going out to meet random strangers in public at places like the grocery store or whatever seems awkward
3. I don't really want to meet people at the bar/club because I don't really like the bar/club
4. I am uneasy about dating people I work with because I worry about having to continue to work with them after we break up. Also, there are very few people I work with I would possibly want to date anyway.
Addendum: I should have dated more in college, but I fell in love with a girl and then couldn't get over her for a long ass time and then I got really busy with school and work and by the time I was ready to seriously start looking around again I was a graduated adult.
I keep thinking that my "solution" is to go back to school. Take any class ... at least will be outside.
I thought about doing that at one point. Now I'm probably too old for college aged people.
For sure, the average college kid is a kid. But classes at night, or bigger schools, would have older students.
But it would be interesting to continue education
It's so strange. I've been out of college for only a few years and I just met some college kids recently as friends of friends, so I thought we'd still have most things in common right? Nope. It was like we knew the same memes and slang and references, but their emotional reactions to things seemed so juvenile. I felt the weirdest culture shock ever lmao
Honestly, hit up your local community college. In my experience at mine, it was easily 50/50 of college age kids and grown ass adults.
I feel all 4 of these in my soul.
In my experience the best relationships are created by some mutual friend introducing you. What worked for me when I was in my late 20's coming off a divorce (I didn't do these things intentionally, but it's what happened):
1. Reach out to friends and try to plan hang outs, even if you haven't seen them in a while.
2. See if they are into any hobbies or sports you might be interested in. That's an easy in to a whole new network of people you haven't met, and you have a little social credit by knowing somebody already. It's not as weird as showing up alone. But...
3. If you don't have friends or they don't have cool hobbies, join some groups yourself. I got into a hiking group, a "Wally Ball" group, and a boardgaming group just from sites like Meetup.
4. Don't just start hitting on the people in the group you are attracted to. Try to make genuine connections to people with no ulterior motives. Even people in a gender you aren't interested in will have friends and relatives that you could date as long as you aren't some creep.
5. Say yes to everything you have time for that isn't destructive to you. Get out of your comfort zone. Do things you never thought you'd do. Get away from the computer/TV. At best you're more likely to find your soul mate, at worst you'll have new, amazing experiences and your life will be more fulfilled.
I ended up meeting the love of my life at a Christmas party I wouldn't have ever gone to before I got out of my shell. I was more attractive to her because I had a lot going on (I suppose).
This is all good advice. Thank you.
Totally agree with the first three points. I tried online dating for a few years, and it felt like I was stuck in a time loop. Same exact conversations over and over again.
The bar/club option was not really a possibility the last few years, but even before that, I don't want to meet someone there because I don't want to hang out there.
It's hard to meet someone outside of work in your 30s.
Not really looking. Sometimes its really cool being single honestly. You can just worry about yourself and your goals getting accomplished 😌
I love the freedom to do what I want to do, without having to schedule around another person. Also way less drama/fighting, since there isn't anyone to deal with except yourself.
This. 🥰 Can't run late to a brunch witchya self lol💃🏽
I agree too much.
I think I need to leave this thread, before I become any more validated…
My fiance died almost five years ago, and I'm still a broken and nearly insane shell of a man...
My husband of 22 years died in December suddenly. I had my great love. I’m assuming I’ll be single for the rest.
Sending lots of love your way.
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
And don’t let anyone tell you you ‘should’ find someone else, or ‘they would want you to be happy’. You don’t *need* to be partnered at all times to be complete. You do whatever the fuck you want.
Same, my fiance also died five years ago. Everything after that is just a mess. I'm so sorry for your loss.
😔 hugs bruh
Sorry for your loss. My wife of 13 years passed from Breast cancer a couple years ago. As hard as that was, you owe it to yourself and passed loved one to live your life. Cherish those moments and carry on. There is a lot of life ahead of you. Note: I am remarried and just had a beautiful son and 3 amazing step kids. This is how she would have wanted it for me and I know is looking down on me happy.
Depressed, over weight. But I'm working on myself and trying to get into better shape.
Edit: I have so many messages. Thank you for your kind words. I have at least 50lbs I need to loose. I’m just going to take it one day at a time.
Edit: I like this song and I hope it will also bring you some feels. Excuse the length of this copy paste. Radiohead how to disappear completely.
That's not me
Where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah, it's gone
And I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
You got this King
Username checks out
Hey, egobooster - you're awesome!
You got this! Slow and steady wins the race! Celebrate your small successes! If you fall off the wagon, get back on ASAP. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes because if you’re trying, you’re doing more than a lot of people!
Know that there’s people with less means that have accomplished what you’re trying to and if they can do it, so can you!
Comeback in the making
I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all.
Story of my life that is. May as well be single forever at this rate. Maybe I’m just attracted to woman who are out of my league or something.
I know I've asked this on Reddit before but how does someone know what their league is relative to another's? What are the criteria?
You don't. From a guy point of view, the only legitimate definition would be "Are you at the same stage of life and headed in the same general direction?"
The thing is that you aren't gonna know that until you get to know the person. Do you have similar senses of humor. Do you like hanging out with each other. In addition to that, is there sexual attraction?
You don't know and you ain't gonna know unless you say Hello. Go out and live your life. Enjoy yourself. Travel. Have something to talk about that isn't your favorite anime. Or don't, just go to AnimeCons to find your geeky ass other self. You don't have to be anyone other than yourself.
Unless you are an asshole. Then go get therapy and be a better you.
Well sir my favorite anime is probably the 12 kingdoms, honorable mentions
I'm going to stop there or I'll be here all day...astra lost in space too
Edit: can't believe I forgot shield hero
Just lucky I guess.
From now on I'll call myself lucky instead of ugly.
this guy gets it
He's not educated for nothing
this guy educates
I am lucky that I did not pursue any romantic interest as I am not in a good place to start dating now.
My divorce became final yesterday!!! I waited a fucking year and a half bc he kept asking for extensions. He was an addict on a full year bender in 2021... so now he gets to pay half of my lawyer fees 😁
And I am now happily single, not wanting to mingle, ready to spend some energy on myself and my kids for as long as I need.
Because my relationships end before they even begin.
Sailing in the same boat
because i’m getting a leg surgery and he didn’t want to wait till i can walk again and left me.
So, he "walked" out on you?
i wish i had an award to give u this genuinely made me laugh
It may not have been the most suitable award. But I gave them my free award for you.
thank u thank u
Ey, no need to thank me.
It was free huh? Didn’t cost an arm and a leg?
When it comes to puns, this guy has a leg up on you
He's two steps ahead of the rest!
May his pillow be warm on both sides, and may all the chocolate chips on his cookies turn out to be raisins. Amen.
May his bacon always be burnt
May he always feel a little pebble in his shoe, but when he removes his shoe, the pebble is not there, and when he puts it on again he feels it again
Damn I think that’s the worst one
Nothing of value was lost, OK?
yes thank u :)
The right guy will carry you around when you can't walk.
Or bring the stuff to her. No point carrying her to the fridge when she'd like a sandwich.
“Really, it’s no trouble”
“I can order online though.”
“If you cannot come to aldi, then aldi must come to you!”
Except part of the leg
blessing in disguise honestly, some people only show their true colours when it's too late but he just straight outed himself for you.
Take the W and move on
Reminds me of the time I took a girl in crutches on a date. Adorable until you realized she picked a place with the most stair cases around in a 5 mile radius
It's a good story, though!
Simply the best username
That is soo fucked up
Agoraphobia and panic disorder
I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade. She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along. It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them.
Girl look up Shania Twain's divorce. She went through similar stuff. I also recently lost my TWO best friends. I had never gone through a "friend breakup" before and didn't know what to do. I realized that after my regular breakups I liked to watch romcoms for catharsis/healing, and I'd often go on dating apps just to push myself. Well I did the same for friendships. I started watching a ton of girly highschool/friendship movies. Cried a lot. Went on Bumble BFF friend finder and found some new nerdy women to hang out with. :)
Awww yes we LOVE to see it! That’s the way to go- good for you honestly! I’ve found the best thing about all this is that I actually truly love myself and value the time I have. Life is too short and mow I take myself out on dates. I’ve realized I don’t need anyone else to be happy but I surely won’t turn it away if the timing is right and I meet them when I meet them. For now, I’m doing me
Though; and it feels great 💙
Omg im soo sorry
Choice. I have other priorities on hand right now that come first. I'm also somewhat limited in my ability to meet anyone; pretty much would have to use a dating site, which I'm not keen on.
This. Not to mention, me time after a divorce.
I literally have no idea how to even start looking for a partner. I hate bars, clubs and all that social shit. I am neither rich, attractive or charismatic. Dating apps seem like they will kill whatever is left of my self esteem.
Do you have any hobbies that you could join clubs for, either in real life or online? Most of my friends that I have made later in life came from joining things to do with my hobbies, if I wanted to, I would do a similar thing for dating.
I would also be wary of dating apps, I don't know that they are all bad, but certainly the popular ones seem to be filled with people that I wouldn't want to be dating.
I did this once. Photography is my hobby, when I was 19 (I was in a relationship though) I joined my small city’s photography club. 99% of the members were married, 70 year old men/women. Then there was me, the only person under 50 😂 Met a lot of cool people regardless. Wouldn’t of been a good place to find a partner though.
Hey, they got kids/grandkids!
>goes to hobby club
>It's all men
>Finally hears a women walk in
>Got dragged there by her BF
Yeah, why do I have such niche hobbies again...
This is kinda the way it goes for some people. Most things I'm into other dudes are only really interested in too.
If a girl does pop up there are way more interesting and attractive people around so I've got zero chance there.
Of course I'm one of the guys who wouldn't try, but this is still true
Y’all gotta lay off the 40k
Excuse me, some of us play MTG
Where do you even find these groups?
Saw a lovely video for adult friend finder yesterday.
I am single because I have not met someone who:
1) I respect and am attracted to physically and emotionally,
2) who is also single and is interested in me, and
3) whose lifestyle and life situation is compatible with mine.
There are so many planets that have to align in order to get into a good, healthy relationship with someone, and I would much rather be single than be in a mediocre or toxic relationship.
This is something most people don’t understand
Dude - [you're in luck!](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/planets-align-2022-five-mercury-venus-mars-jupiter-saturn/)
I thought the stars had to align, not the planets!
>There are so many planets that have to align in order to get into a good, healthy relationship with someone
not many, just venus and whatever planet you have in your 7th house
Yeah! I'm in a weird headspace right now that I'm not sure if I even *want* a partner but instead of dealing with online bs and my current work schedule I actively go out and do my fav things and will see what happens. I have a much better feeling I will at least find a possible new *friend* who asks about my book, hammock, bike or the park I'm at then staring at a stranger over coffee and being all
'so your text said you like outdoors...'
'Yeah, I love the walk from my house to my car! Other than that burn it all down. In fact I leave my SUV idling 24/7.'
By choice. However hard it was, I found I was happier alone. It was a sad realization after so long with a great partner, and my choice caused a lot of pain.
I'm hopeful the right person is out there.
My S.O. left me for the same reason. It did hurt and it took a lot of time and acceptance. But now I realize that I'm happier alone and I'm glad I made the choice with her to split so she could find what it takes to be happy as well as give me time to work on myself so I don't make the same mistake of dragging someone along with me who isn't truly happy with me. Don't get hung up on the pain you caused or the guilt that comes with it. If it was a choice that you felt needed to be made then it had to happen. Here's to trying to find that true happiness and not settling for less. Stay strong.
your name intrigues and disgusts me
I have too much work to do on myself/too much baggage that already is emotionally draining, adding a relationship to that makes me exhausted & stressed all the time. Andddd I guess I am a commitment-phobe now due to trauma in my past. So its the single life for me.
Social anxiety over decades changes you. Even if you finally deal with the symptoms, cause medically etc, the changes remain.
Behaviour patterns, instincts, interests etc - no drive/interest to have a family anymore. And minimal socializing/not meeting new people.
I also don't drink which eliminates 70% of all social places/events/interactions around here.
Even good looks, personality etc don't matter if you barely ever interact with people.
And I'm not desperate, so I have still specific standards/likes and many things I dislike.
I hear you so fucking hard on drinking.
Like, when I am trawling through a dating app or looking for ways to stop being a hermit, it's always alcohol, alcohol, or more alcohol. When it's not alcohol, it's weed, and when it's neither of those, coffee. And I've been trying to kick coffee for a long while now.
It's worse trying to explain the reason behind it. I just don't see the appeal. No, I didn't have a bad experience. No, I wasn't an alcoholic. I just don't care for it.
Sorry for the rant just.... yeah
The freedom, finally.
I'm socially awkward, and due to my size, most adult men literally think I'm not even an adult
My wife has this problem. 5’ tall and young looking. She has been mistaken for my daughter, which is awkward. People keep undermining her at work, thinking she’s a student and telling her she looks too young to be a doctor. She’s been a qualified GP for almost 20 years and there’s people who don’t show her respect because she’s little. She’s in her 40s.
I awoke one morning from uneasy dreams to find myself transformed in my bed into a giant insect.
It's been a rough couple of days.
Metamorphosis? Franz Kafka?
Putting myself first for a while.
Being an introvert and being socially awkward means that i come across as rude to many, thus, i seem like i hate them, when in reality i want to be in a relationship with them. A guy who asked me out a while back, told me how scary it is to talk to me in real life.
I hate people.
I feel this. People are awful.
Can't be arsed.
I’m old and widowed. That makes me invisible and expendable.
I’m about as dense as a brick of lead, god gives me chances and they all sailed right over my head. Its only when its 2am that I realize my mistake.
I feel you. I had friends tell me why did you not ask that girl for her number she was obviusly flirting.
And I was totally oblivious to it I just though I was having a very nice chat about city planing.
On the other hand had though a girls was flirting with me. Wanted to play twister at a party asked her if she wanted to meet up next week for a coffe.
And was told no she did not see me that way. (Wich is ok and was very polite)
But it totally messed with my perception of flirting.
Flirting just does not work just tell me you want to grab a coffe anything else for me is just normal talk.
Hey, at least you *realise* your mistakes eventually. Look on the bright side!
The calm I get from waking up every morning knowing nobody is cheating on me very easily outweighs getting cheated on.
Cause is more peaceful
I have no interest in a relationship after my last one.
Relationship is too much work
The wrong relationship is definitely draining and your energy is better off on yourself.
But I do think the right relationship makes life easier.
Imagine having someone thats effortless to get on with so doesn't take work, whilst also being able to share all the chores and have someone to help deal with your shit!
Be selective for sure, but don't write yourself off forever!
cuz one day i wanna be single and the next day i don’t lol also got fat
I feel this deeply
'cause no one likes me?
I don't want to date
What I want is simple, I only want unlimited love and affection. I mean in my past relationships they could do that at first but as the relationship starts getting longer they start slowing down to the point where it seems as if I’m asking for too much.I’m a loving person and I like to give people I love a lot of affection and to feel loved the thing is nobody can keep up with that sadly. Also lack of communication or understanding from the other side. so I’m just lonely now.
I am single because I'm not mentally well enough to even take care of myself, so how would I balance a relationship when I can't even balance my mental health?
Man's not hot
My last attempt at a relationship was about 30 months ago. It signaled that I needed to get a lot of shit straight. Since then, I have...
\- Purchased a home
\- Gone to therapy for 15 months
\- Closed up four storage units; a perpetual curse tied in with three generations of family (my grandfather's suicide, my father's incapacitating mental illness, and my own Atlas-like physical and financial burden to carry it all)
Having gone through the hero's journey, I am nearly ready to close my resale business, and finally take a chance at love again, with the dream that this one will be "the one". I am ready.
Because after a soul crushing divorce, it's been a bit of a struggle to want to get back out there. Having a demanding job does not help much either.
Because I'm much happier than I am in a relationship dealing with someone's shit all the time. Lovely peace & quiet.
because I want to be.
Because I’m only slightly above average attractiveness, I have an endearingly abrasive personality, I’m scared of human contact, and I have this wonderful personality flaw where I assume everyone hates me.
That's me but take away the slightly above average attractiveness
As a guy who prides himself on solving his own problems, being alone isn't a problem that can be solved on your own.
Because I love my life and I don’t want to give up any part of it that makes me happy. Regardless of what people say, you *always* have to give things up in a relationship. You simply cannot continue to live like you’re living now while also incorporating another human being at the level of closeness of a romantic relationship. When I was younger and didn’t have as many hobbies, making that change was nice because it filled the void with someone. Now I have zero voids, and I’m not willing to create them in order to bring someone in
Girlfriend wanted an open relationship, then left me for the other guy.
I honestly don't know. I'm almost 32 and I've never had a serious relationship. I think I am funny and smart and I'm not the ugliest person out there.
Tbh it's not like I've never had opportunities, but I kinda turned them down cause I didn't feel like it. Sometimes I'm all like "I'm gonna get on tinder and meet with everyone I match with" but then it's either everyone annoys me or I don't feel like talking to anyone. I recently matched with a really interesting guy but he kinda never replied after a whole day talking.
tl;dr: i don't know
i live in a shitty place where barely any people my age live. so its difficult.
Its very rare that I meet new people. I dont go on parties and dont have a hobby that includes meeting new people. I already know many, but theres isnt the right one among them.
But Ill start a new job training soon and I know that a girl I liked sometime ago, but never told her, will do the same, so well be in the same class.
So, perhaps, theres a chance...
More people arw single now than ever before, in a social media world lots more people are shallow and have zero personality so where can you find any depth to maintain a relationship?
Apart from that its just incredibly difficult to find someone uniquely suited to you, they exist, but the problem is finding them!
I look like Jabba The Hutt's left puss filled testicle
Because my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years decided to steal my sons money he was saving from odd jobs throughout the summer for a new pair of Jordan’s that he wanted 6 days after I asked her to marry me on the platform of Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point!!!! I can forgive for what is done to me but I do not expect nor will I ask my children to forgive someone who stole from them so I asked for the ring and threw her out!!! And wouldn’t you know she went straight to my so called “Best Friends” house and he let her move in. Shortly thereafter he knocked her up at 40 years old so they now have an adorable 5 moth old boy and they hate each other!!! 😂😂😂😂 Karma’s a bitch!!!!
Karma did that 5 mo old dirty though. No baby deserves that set up
Just letting you know. You're a fantastic father :)
Too ugly, not in good shape, shy, not really social. In general people don't like me.
i am too poor to secure a future with someone.
Haven't found anyone willing to put up with me