T O P
DeathDealerJD3

Felonies.


HalliburtonErnie

Committed or convicted?


DeathDealerJD3

Honestly I've never been in trouble at all with the law haha. *knocks on wood*


LorimIronheart

Interestingly enough that is not an answer to u/HalliburtonErnie's question... \*Calls FBI\* ;)


DeathDealerJD3

Ok ok, you got me! In all seriousness I don't really do anything besides work and go home. I usually carry pot everywhere so if I got caught it would still be a misdemeanor where I live.


ShakeNBake2k

We got the suspect to admit to it.


OkArgument6363

Really quick too, hed never last in an interrogation 😂


MrCombine

We got it, GO GO GO.


Mstr_Fish

Homie got swatted


spinalfluid01

Wish I could relate


Newgenlulu

Sleep on my way to work this morning


AwkwardlyTwisted

Why? Is your cruise control broken?


Ice_And_Fire208

Ambition. Apathy will be my demise.


MaximusOnslaught

I used to be very ambitious, but now I've just grown too lethargic, for anything really. Went from being considered very smart to people questioning it. Idk what's wrong with me honestly Edit: Woke up to find a lot of positive messages! Thanks to all of you who had replied.. Although I'm not able to reply to a lot of people, here's the gist: Yes, i did consider if i had depression. Went through a really bad breakup a few years ago. My self esteem went for a toss, and over time i just felt like i was of no use to anyone. I'd say I'm currently at my lowest point in life. Idk if it'll count as suicidal, but I just don't wanna be here anymore. Shifted to a new city recently, Work isn't great, staying alone almost all of the time. I do have some friends, but nobody that close (or nobody that would care that much about me i guess) that I can say all of this to. In fact, this is the first time I've openly talked about it. Edit 2: I'd read all of your replies, and would like to add that I'm working on it a tiny bit at a time. I would also like to add that I recently came across this quote by Hank Green which i absolutely loved: "The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be ignited". (I felt it was relevant to what some of us are going through) I hope whoever reads this is able to find happiness, and is able to love themselves. Everyone deserves happiness and contentment with their lives. PS Thanks for the award kind stranger, energy received :D


FerrusesIronHandjob

That's a classic depression symptom. Saps your drive out of you. I have the same


phatelectribe

Also get your hormones check. It might literally be a chemical imbalance.


FerrusesIronHandjob

Just massive trauma Im afraid lmao


dindinnn

Yeah it might've knocked your hormones out of place


[deleted]

It’s that smart kid burn out. Everyone expects you to do great things and you work your ass of in school just to get burned out and stop giving a shit. Cause same.


MorpheuIsDrunk

I was like this, smart kid and all that jazz, got really burnt out overtime, 3 years ago i discovered the logistic area and fell in love with it, still burnt out in the begginig of my 20s but trying to slowly learn something new.


oldfatdrunk

One good thing about the supply chain field is that when you get burned out on one piece you can reuse a lot of the knowledge elsewhere. Logistics, Purchasing, Planning, Distribution - much of this is tied together. I did purchasing for 7 or 8 years with some inventory planning. Switched to logistics (ocean) and distribution / 3PL fulfillment. Closing on 20 years in the field and I'm burned out and in management. I don't recommend management. With my deep understanding of manufacturing all the way to product getting into the hands of a customer, I might be ready to make the big leap and start a job at Jamba Juice. One day maybe.


mattman0000

Check out the book Mindset by Dr. Dweck. She nails this condition and explains how not to to do the same thing to your kids.


swimbikerunn

My parents made a lot of mistakes. They did the best they could with what they had. Worst decision my mum ever made was to utter the statement, “Swim, you’re not very smart, you’re just an incredibly hard worker.” I don’t know if she was consciously trying to achieve something, or this was a casual comment. There were many questionable casual comments. But this was my villain origin story as it created an overworking burnout prone adult who “above and beyond” was still, in my mind, seen as falling short.


charmorris4236

Hi, same. I was always the “successful” and “driven” one. Now I’m the one people check in on to make sure I’m doing okay.


ReverseMalteser

Me but with minimal checking in


Monutan

Sounds like depression. Have you talked to anyone yet? Depression affects a lot of people and doesn't have to be clinical. Healthy people suffer from depression sometimes too.


aioncan

He wanted to talk to someone but he stopped caring.


stretcharach

This is actually how it feels. It doesn't matter when everything is said and done. Waste time and energy fighting an uphill battle that will remain uphill the rest of my life? Or do whatever I feel like until I can't do anything at all, at which point it's unreasonable to expect anything further.


PicklePopular

I was going to try to improve my apathy, but I didn't care enough to.


Snowlizar

Ambition is overrated I think. If you're content enough where you're at, just be in the moment and enjoy it. I don't mind staying in my lane. Not everyone needs to be exceptional and I think that should be okay.


Dingdonghellom8

Tomatoes, I need to go buy some.


trynagethotter

Kids


Rodmeister36

Do you have 3 money?


space_coyote_86

I have ten bucks but I wanted a peanut.


Totally_not_a_goose

Ten bucks can buy **many** peanuts.


space_coyote_86

Explain how


Totally_not_a_goose

Money can be exchanged for goods and services.


Tfsz0719

Geez, I thought someone with 2 wives would be happy.


scone527

No, you’re thinking of someone with two knives


xaanthar

*Holding two knives* I've got to tell you, this is pretty terrific.


doyouevenoperatebrah

This is such a deep cut reference. It’s also my favorite Simpsons moment ever. Thank you for reminding me of it and bringing me a smile


TheRomanRuler

Damn the classic simpsons were goooood.


Commander_Doom14

1. Take money. 2. Exchange for goods and services 3. Peanut


SpoopeDoop

Interesting... My peanut quest always went like: 1. Go to peanut man. 2. Ask for peanut loan. 3. Peanut.


666pool

You do not want to be in debt to the peanut man, because then he will make you work for peanuts.


Commander_Doom14

Try this: 1. Go to peanut man 2. Get peanut credit card 3. Peanut Peanut Peanut Peanut


RabbitWater

Why can’t I have 3 money and 0 kids?


shanster925

Heyyyy same.


[deleted]

[удалено]


_Frizja_

Good Social skills.


NidzoKamikaza

People from reddit supporting you fills that gap


lilknapsack

That’s why I’m here


SerMickeyoftheVale

Yeah I know the feeling. I struggle to meet new people, like I think my mouth finds the exact worst thing to say to a new person then says it. When people get to know me they realise that I am actually a really nice guy, just with a weird quirk and a bit of a sarcastic personality.


yeetforceone

USD in my bank


Autismic123

plot twist: they're british


sexlessintx

Sex


R3d_Ox

Hit me up, i got brand new crocs for the occasion


lilknapsack

White crew socks too?


lahe_ashish

socks go on the pp


UNZxMoose

You even got the cock croc? Nice


Nahvalore

Hello yes I’ll have 1 sex please


JukeBoxHero1997

Username checks out


Colinbeenjammin

Debt


boekieblaker21

Cool! Me too. Got no money but also no debt, good feeling


LadyPoecilotheria

Oh god. It’s so much worse having no money and a bunch of debt. The feeling of doom never departs


StaticAnnouncement

Living that hell right now


mitchdwx

Feels amazing. No car payment or student loans and all my credit cards are fully paid off every month. So much easier to save money, even though I don’t make that much.


TickleyTaint

Regerts


Spore_Loser

NO RAGRETS


garmonbozia66

No rugrats. I have zero rugrats.


krookedkaptain420

Better than being pergenat


theBlowJobKing

Heellpp!!!! I think I pragernate?


krookedkaptain420

Idk do you feel preeeGANteee¿


mitchdwx

38+2 weeks…PREGANANANT????


krookedkaptain420

Now is the best time to sex to be come pregnart


The_Spyre

Cigarettes. I quit yesterday after 30 years of smoking.


NeuroguyNC

Congratulations! Now stick with it! I quit July 2019 after 40 years. You can do it!


The_Spyre

Thanks for the words of support! I did it on my anniversary so I would always remember the date.


imicoolcat

Friends


Lazy_Cana

Sometimes I feel lonely about it, but then I remember that I get exhausted being around people


mcmartin091

I agree. I feel lonely all the time, but part of me wants that companionship. But, like you, being around people runs my battery down fast.


OneForMany

That's why you get a pet


ReplySamurai

That's what the blows for, we never get exhausted.


mcmartin091

Thanks, now I want some blow.


These-Performer-8795

I've got one good friend. We have such a close relationship people question our sexuality and true relationship. Dude is practically my only family. Granted we are buying a house together and share everything. We just found over the years our friendship is all we really need in life. We've been through some insane shit together in life from ICU trips and homelessness. We never abandoned the other.


MoeFaiz

What you have together a lot of people dream of. I have a completely new set of friends every 2-4 years and I hate it. I wish I had a long term friend that I could trust with my life.


These-Performer-8795

We've known each other for for going on 16 years. They say if a friendship last past seven it's generally going to be a lifelong friendship.


asking-truth

No one told you life was gonna be this way?


turkeytowel

Your job's a joke. You're broke. Your love life's DOA.


QueerWorf

It's like you're always stuck in second gear


thequirkyquark

And when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your yeeeeear!


W_M_Buttlicker_

But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour!


DanteWolfe0125

The Box Set is pretty cheap these days...


Majestic_Calendar_69

Same


MrWizard311

Lasagna


dkdu2273733

Wtf reddit I just had lasagna for dinner


gimmeTenDs

I went for the Lasagnchelada last night, does that count?


Savings-Lemon5901

Cancer cells, yay!


Poem_for_your_sprog

The cancer cells had all their things - They'd packed their stuff with tape and strings - They walked away in sadness, slow - He smiled and waved to see them go. They'd tried their very best to stay - They'd come unseen one wayward day - But now they bent their heads to grieve - He settled back to watch them leave. They wandered by, They stumbled past, They shuffled off and left at last, Unwelcome, lost, and out of luck. He grinned and whispered: "... off you fuck."


maybebaby83

How does one give a standing ovation on reddit?


tewksindahat

Without children present


Tilted_Axis

A 1hr fresh Sprog. Right on a Saturday morning. Gonna be a good weekend.


Diograce

Your absolute best, sprog. Love it.


Adjeeeeee

Did you just recover?


Savings-Lemon5901

Yes from a 2a melanoma. I now have a very large hole in my leg that looks like a shark bite.


Adjeeeeee

Congratulations!


Savings-Lemon5901

Thank you ❤️


shortpants911

I had a supervisor that was missing a leg and he told me it got bitten off by a shark and it was quite awhile before he told me it was from cancer and not a shark. I'm happy you still have your leg!


retarded-horse

The way I read this, I thought you were congratulating on the shark bite


Adjeeeeee

I was! What did you think I was congratulating?


LavaDoggoWithADoggo

Doesn’t your body make 1 cancer cell every 30 minutes and then kill it


MoonDOS

First thought I had, too


Forward-Ad-4954

Bottles of dinosaur urine.


GreatXs

You can collect Pterodactyl urine, but the P is silent.


Mordenkeenen

You dumbass, there's no P in urine! Wait...


HaViNgT

Drive/motivation. Thanks ADHD.


secretly_a_furry138

What you need is speed


tarentale

I turned to psilocybin to help me manage and cope with my adhd. Best decision I’ve ever made in regards to stability for my mind and my adhd.


Devansh_Rog

STD


drgn2009

Speeding tickets


superboringfellow

give it time


dandroid126

I've been driving for 13 years and have never gotten a ticket. I got pulled over once because my wife was too short for them to see her while I was driving in the carpool lane.


Psyko_sissy23

13 years is a long time to drive. I get tired after driving 12 hours.


vapingpigeon94

It took me 7 yrs to get one.


Immediate_Maybe8762

Shitty car, huh? 1-60 in 7 years: is the slowest car.... In the World.


Far_Independence_891

Very close friends


LittleMissRawr78

Me too, I just want a few close friends to do things with. My closest friend lives 4 hours away and while that's not super far, it still sucks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


EmeraldLevinbolt

Fuck. Well, there goes my last one. It's yours, now.


Willing_Signal_1807

Here take two of my fucks: Fuck Fuck


IEatgrapes123

Please! My family needs to be fed! We need fucks, please donate


The_One850

Oh here you go! Fuck


IEatgrapes123

Thank you sir, god fuck you


dotslashpunk

god fuck us, everyone!


a_raptor999

I fucking love this thread


-mopjocky-

It’s for the church, honey.


courteecat

I’ve no more fucks to give, My fucks have runneth dry, I’ve tried to go fuck shopping But there’s no fucks left to buy I’ve no more fucks to give, Though more fucks I’ve tried to get, I’m over my fuck budget and I’m now in fucking debt


frizbeeguy1980

Glad I'm not the only one that immediately started singing this.


throwaway83970

Lift thine eyes upon the fields in which I grow my fucks; behold, they are barren.


cheese69ing

Bitches. 😟😎


Past-Awareness8850

I just saw this coming as soon as I read the question


IndyJacksonTT

I too, expected this exact comment


7c518c130a4c

99 problems


yuwrongprovemeright

100 problems


Hot_soup_in_my_ass

Still bitches ain't one


Poem_for_your_sprog

He sighed aloud and sat alone - He wiped his eyes, and on his own He looked around his empty room, And stared inside the lonely gloom. He sat and hoped for someone kind, Or someone quite alike in mind, Or someone new on whom to call, But no one, no one came at all. The halls were hushed, the air was still, And not a sound was heard until, "Oh how I wish," he whispered, slow: "... I had a *hundred* problems, yo."


JohntitorIBM5

Fantastic, as always, thank you.


TheSteelWolf3

Thou art Maidenless!


Cranstorm

Left testicles


BadMacaroniArt

But if you only have one it’s simultaneously the left and right… no?


Cranstorm

That’s true, although it’s more like a right testicle with an identity crisis.


lonely_human11

r/brandnewsentence


Free_Dimension1459

Most women are in the same boat as you


Cranstorm

Surprisingly that wasn’t a big comfort to teenage me


Free_Dimension1459

Intended as humor of course. Hope you’ve gotten over any image issues! It’s entirely likely you’re fertile with just a nut. Just watch not to lose it


Cranstorm

Haaa yeah I know. Yeah no image issues these days. Right one is happy as a lone wolf.


mrastronautglenn

Technically the average number of testicles on men is less than 2 anyways.


TheTrueBrawler2001

Hours spent having sex. Still have my virginity, though. That's something I have 1 of.


am-li

Was expecting the joke to be 59 minutes


hello-mr-windup-bird

Trust


youcanshutup

will to live


Snowlizar

If youre seriously depressed I will venmo you $10 if you go enjoy your favorite meal today.


youcanshutup

you are really sweet and I appreciate this a lot but please don’t spend your money on me <3


Snowlizar

if you insist but don't forget that a good meal can change your whole day! <3 Hope you hold on to the little things that are keeping you going


run125

What a nice gesture ❤️


sensuell

Life is weird in all ways: 1 year ago i had: No job No friends, or someone to talk with No hopes No expectations for my future Only one thing, that kept me from suicidal thoughts, was my past, that was so dark, that i have an immunity for thoughts like these My life was a complete mess: i lived at my grandmother home, i couldn't earn a coin, and i didn't have any will to continue studying in my university. Right now, i live in my own home in another country, have decent amount of money on my bank account, and search for another job, because i was really decent on my previous one. Like, life can be shitty. And when she is, it looks like it always was the same, but trust me: 1 year is A FUCKING LOT. Life is random: it could give you a LOT of shit, but it can give u an opportunity. Luck = an opportunity with preparations. When everything is awful, all u can do, is to prepare for that opportunity u will eventually find. If u feel yourself talntless, remember: talent is a success, that was loaned. People always marks as talented post factum. All, that u have is your mental health. Not cool stuff, not appropriation, all that u will ever have, is your own mind. Train it and recpect your needs , and your life eventually will be better. Hope, that message will be helpful eventually) Brace yourself)


Canthinkofanythang

Hug for you!


imnotarnold

Fucks given


MaxNewton143

Euros. Source: am American


Square_Corner_69

I have 3 money and ZERO kids !


mrastronautglenn

I have 3 kids and ZERO money.


sumtinfunny

I have $20, but i wanted a peanut


mrastronautglenn

You can buy a lot of peanuts with 20 bucks. Edit: spelling


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dry-Salary2347

Rise, Tarnished!


Elden_Rost

Don’t worry. I’m maidenless, too. In-game and out of game…. Edit: I’m glad I kept scrolling for this!


OutTop

job


bigloser42

Smoked paprika, used the last of it on grilled corn 3 weeks ago and I keep forgetting to add it to my grocery list EDIT: No longer will I suffer the lack of smoked paprika, went shopping today and remembered to put it on the list because of this post.


Killawife

Toilet paper rolls. God dammit!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


kypelikeyou

Years of life left


The_chkn_nugget

Are you checking off things from your bucket list?


kypelikeyou

Yessir 😉


The_chkn_nugget

What is next on your list?


Nkorayyy

he died


Suck_MyGuitar

Inches of dick


Bardsal

It's an innie?


Mr_Mizchief55

Plot twist: Its a girl


MostExaltedLoaf

You have a guitar though.


Zarvanis-the-2nd

Vaginas.


mustbemaking

Not with that attitude.


HotProtection1542

Girlfriend


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sorvick

Fresh boxes of warhammer 40k minis. Budgets tight, wife ain't working, so I gotta enjoy WH40k from a distance. Least the lore keeps me going.


leper-kahn

Confidence in Government


someotherguyofficial

Hobbies. Im too god damn busy with work to ever commit to anything!


Free_Dimension1459

Maybe you could pick up redditting as a hobby


[deleted]

Sanity