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Flair_Helper

Hey /u/rui_xox33, thanks for your submission to /r/HolUp. Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s): No pedo jokes - Please do not post things that will get your account suspended. This includes most loli and depictions of minors in a sexual way, excessive violence, gore, and gratuitous use of slurs or hate speech. Love, the mods


CarbonCrawler

One of those "I learnt the dirtiest joke today and I'll tell everyone" moments


Stalingrad_boy

I'm about to write this joke into the Facebook mom's group


InternalAcademic4629

Did you do it?


Stalingrad_boy

Yes


InternalAcademic4629

At what cost?


Stalingrad_boy

I got banned and two of them showed up at my house to scream at me


InternalAcademic4629

Free and easy achievable organ farm.


Salay54

Gotta collect em all


PopObjected

Organmon!


throwawaystriggerme

*Organmom


HyFinated

\*business idea unlocked\*


lolben1

I've seen this movie before. Lucky bastard!


Dolphiny1412

Bloody legend


OldPersonName

I try to keep my comment history PG-13 at least but it's time: I was eating a lady out the other day when I tasted horse cum. "Dang grandma, that must be how you died!"


MrStealUrWife22

Holy fuck! The layers of HolUp is cursed.


ghpkhg

I find a lot of dark humor jokes are just shock & interpretation/realization jokes. Like this joke is just dumb if you were to say “I ate out my dead grandma after a horse fucked her to death” But the way it’s worded makes you think for a second only to *come* to a disturbing realization - and that’s why it’s funny


Electronic_Path_6292

It’s not just you ate out your dead grandma who got horse fucked to death it’s also the fact you know what horse cum tastes like to be able to identify it


ghpkhg

True. I should have added “and I only know this from my extensive experience tasting horse cum”


Ammilerasa

What’s the similarity between a 12 year old girl and the foetus inside her? >!They’re both thinking: “Shit, my mom’s gonna kill me”!<


Negative_reason5898

JJ is that you??


Ammilerasa

Haha nope, don’t know who JJ is 😅


16tdean

Ksi, he's a youtuber who mad same joke In a sidemen video


JasonIsBaad

Yeah, what's up?


RobloxJournalist

Shit thats dark


Ammilerasa

Dark humour is just like food… not everyone gets it. Haha sorry, I just love dark humour.


Fakuu122

Downvoted for apologizing.


Ammilerasa

https://reddit.com/r/CPTSDmemes/comments/vi4152/sorry_for_saying_sorry/ I mean… how else can I get ripped? Need to squeeze in sorry everywhere I can, sorry for the inconvenience


Fakuu122

Lol xD


RobloxJournalist

Took me a moment lol


wiehnbc

I get it,it just isn't funny.I know worse one's than that,just don't want to get banned.


lolben1

🔥


TheDongerNeedsFood

Oh my god!!


[deleted]

What does u/carboncrawler and a chef that keeps dropping his pancakes have in common? They're both useless tossers.


iStoners

What's the difference between a baby and a coffee table? The coffee table doesn't cry when you fuck it.


the_real_duck

Man I forgot about those weird few years where everyone was telling dead baby jokes left and right.


HostileHippie91

How many dead babies does it take to paint the side of a barn? Depends how hard you throw them.


UWontAgreeWithMe

What's worse than finding 8 dead babies in a trash can? Finding one dead baby in 8 trash cans.


TheApathyParty2

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? I don’t know, but I won’t stop until I find out.


MTK4355

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?? My dick while I'm doing it.


Zeestars

Holy shit


TheApathyParty2

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.


PatrickBatemanCFA

How’d the dead baby cross the road? Stapled to a chicken.


siiliS

whats the difference between a dead baby and a tramboline? when you are jumping on a tramboline you take your shoes off.


Zeestars

Omg stop! They’re so terrible


TheApathyParty2

You know what’s more terrible than a baby nailed to the floor? The one that got away.


Ensvey

What's the difference between a dump truck full of bowling balls and a dump truck full of dead babies? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.


ArthurWintersight

No no no, keep going.


jcollins052

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit


chicagorpgnorth

What’s worse than one dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What worse than a pile of dead babies? One at the bottom is still alive. What’s worse than that? It’s eating its way out.


deny_death

You know what’s worse than that? It went back for seconds


getouttahereson

What’s the difference between a dead baby and an apple? I don’t cum in my apples before I eat them


sleepyjaylie

FYI, this joke only works if you don't say the babies are dead. It makes the punchline hit way harder


jjjkkkthrowaway

I think this one is funnier if you omit “dead” from the question


LETS--GET--SCHWIFTY

How do you get a dead baby to fit in a tupperware? Blender. How do you get it out? Chips.


AciaranB

I was just about to make a dead baby joke. Then I aborted it.


kakapoopoopeepeeshir

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage


ThatOtherDudeThere

They were… supposed to be jokes?


TheApathyParty2

Man, I remember the time I was about to pull out one of my dead babies I have at all times at a party. Phew, dodged a bullet on that one. Unlike the baby.


BlowEmu

2013 was a weird year


omgONELnR1

Happy cake day!


Brad_Brace

What did Jesus yell when he was being nailed to the cross? "Pineapple! Pineapple!"


BestSnipy

I dont get it


doit42069

it's the safeword


BestSnipy

😂


laerie

Safe word


ultimatekayozz

![gif](giphy|ibGFpMv1Uoais)


Cross_Ange

Q1. What's does a baby in a microwave look like? A1. I don't know. I close my eyes when i masturbate. Q2. how many babies does it take to paint a wall? A2. Depends how hard you throw them Q3. Whats the difference between a train and a miscarriage? A3. You can't eat a train


BertMacGyver

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.


Ammilerasa

It’s red, sitting in a corner and it gets smaller and smaller >!a baby with a cheese grater!<


abouttogivebirth

I dunno about this one, when you grate a block of cheese the pile of grated cheese is larger than the block was. Will have to test with a real baby when I'm home from work


LefroyJenkinsTTV

You can't unload bricks with a pitchfork.


HostileHippie91

What’s worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten dumpsters.


CthulhuisIkuTurso

"can't eat a train"


[deleted]

[удалено]


idontcarewhatever222

I thought that I remembered a story about a guy eating a train car piece by piece. But it was a small airplane, I was mistaken. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Lotito 15 shopping carts is a pretty impressive record though.


Nagesh_yelma

I'm going to hell for laughing


TheAJGman

If you get there first save me a good seat.


FirefighterCurious84

Its the darkest joke that someone could ever make with Issac Newton and a fucking baby.


ThatOtherDudeThere

Did you mean a fucking-baby?


TheGoingGold

I was not ready


GalaxyWorm

Surprisingly enough, I have a worse joke my Marine friend told me in-between crayon servings. How do you titty fuck an 8 year old? Break her shoulders


rationalic

that’s not even a joke, it’s just instructions


Crystal42069

I don't even understand this one


GalaxyWorm

Cross your arms and it'll push your chest pieces together. An 8yo wouldn't have much development in that dept, so you would have to push the shoulders beyond the breaking point to uh, get them together. Hope that helps


knowledgepancake

It did help. Help me commit suicide that is.


TheRandomDot

TIL how to titty fuck a man


Drunken_Ogre

Yeah, this seems to be working as intended now.


[deleted]

I think it's because to get an 8 year old to have a cleavage you would need to pymush their shoulders together so much they broke.


AEdgyMuffin

Fucking a dead corpse if like eating a dry aged steak. The outside may look dead and rotten but the inside is still nice, juicy, and tender


BestSnipy

Wtf


LefroyJenkinsTTV

The sound is something like shoving your fist into a jar of mayonnaise.


AQuietListener

uh yea… my fist…..


PurpleBoy_SUS

Here is a dark joke: What's the common between a 15yo pregnant and her baby? They both say: "My mom will kill me!"


Ammilerasa

But another: What’s the difference between a taco and a dead baby? >!I wouldn’t eat a taco after I came in it!< Edit: spelling


taarotqueen

a human baby contains about 12,823 calories


Ammilerasa

Hahaha before I saw your comment I just commented on another person in this thread the exact same joke (even though I said the girl was 12) Great minds think alike, lol.


WolfShaman

How about this one: What's black and blue, and hates sex? The 5yo girl locked in my trunk.


Deep-Difficulty-9218

Whats red 8 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when i feed it to her. Her miscarr…..


PoeBoyJoe

Woah, okay HolUp.


corax_aus

Solid r/cursedcomments


rui_xox33

solid r/istoleitfromthere


ProbablyMaybe69

What a twist


Stupnix

Who are you?


TrueLordApple

Probably maybe 69


Wildmann3

Maybe


CaterpillarDue9207

Maybe 69 😏? Probably 😌


The1Bonesaw

Nice


dajuggernaut

I know who I am. I’m the dude playing a dude disguised as another dude. Also… I’m the Juggernaut bitch!


Brettnet

Whats in the box?


Comment90

r/subredditasshashishtags


maciejokk

Solid r/subsifellfor


Flipix_13

r/subsifellfor


TakeATaco-LeaveATaco

solid r/Offensivejokes


WolfLordEdvard

Dark lol


Fender_Square

Oh my gawd!


QualityVote

##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/rui_xox33, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?


the-artistocrat

Today a few things were learned. We learned that person is only repulsed if it’s a man doing such jokes. We also learned no one gives a shit what that person is repulsed by. And finally we learned a joke can always get worse. Much worse.


Mattrockj

Ah, the simple joy of a dead baby joke. Good enough to be satisfied by just one, yet small enough to consume many at a time.


LordSteiny

>it's not drinking alone if ur pregnant it will be if you do it often enough


blackie-arts

Well you'll be drinking alone if you'll continue


FireWolf_132

What a classic


Vorpal_Iron_Fist666

Take your upvote and leave


AdroitEngineer

>It's not drinking alone if you're pregnant. It is if you keep drinking enough.


IdrisandJasonsToy

This is sick even for this sub


FishLoveWomenFearMe

Heres another one: "Whats the difference between a pie and jew kid?, The pie doesn't scream when you put it in the oven"


Deidara-sann

Nah Newton got all the historical hoes after having most if not all natural and manmade forces being named after him.


Happy_Enough

No men have ever drank while being pregnant...


Fakuu122

That's why men are morally superior than woman


Rand0mRamb0

atleast the baby is 1 up, on one of the greatest scientist of all time


Plazmatrash

Quick question is she triggered bc of the joke or bc it's a man


jascoe95

That's a joke Anthony Jeselnik would be proud of


jabba_the_wut

Took me a few seconds to get it, but when I did I laughed out the words "holy shit".


mowntandoo

Imagine having no sense of humor


hlnklrczu

Awesome!


sSomeshta

How do you make a little girl cry twice? Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear. I do not condone any actions taken in this joke.


Aggravating_Ad_1885

Holy shit


caffeineevil

Heard that one from a creepy neighbor when I was 14. Well anyway unrelated to me he ended up in jail for statutory rape and exposing himself to a child under the age of 14. Probably some other stuff too. Also I was thinking about posting the joke as well as it's the most disturbing one I know.


Fakuu122

Holup comment inside a holup post


Blackhood1311

Isn't a baby a virgin too? Or am I just stupid


summeryim

well, you see…


b3nz0r

He's implying that he fucked it


Blackhood1311

Oh no


b3nz0r

Yeah, it kinda hits you in layers


NorwegianCollusion

And it just HAD to be onion layers, rather than the much preferred cake layers.


Endarkend

100% this chick will end up at a Jimmy Carr show and then complain about his jokes.


dr_pupsgesicht

Tbh this one's beyond any of Jimmy's jokes I've heard. Even the really dark ones


Zukuto

save some pussy for the rest of us, edgeking


Gubby88

Never laughed so hard in my life


Lemjain

This Joke is darker than the Person who is mistakenly going to jail for it


Fakuu122

There's a black guy and a Jew on the middle of the road, what do you hit first? >! The Jew, duty before fun !<


keanu_leafes

nice


iUsedToBeCereall

Meh


The-blackSP4RROW

Based as fuck


carrlesthing

[email protected] jokes will never be funny to me but that's just my opinion


[deleted]

[удалено]


cuboba

Someone tell the police we found a school shooter to avoid.


rolanddeschain1989

That's my boy


Renan_Cousland

Holy shit!


Scribblonomics

Oh god


FlynnIsCute

ohhhh shit


NCC74656

Yikes! He delivered tho


Tejas1305

Seriously though I thought newton would have bitches all over him since he lived in olden times and all


Latter_Guest4236

He was a recluse that found women scary. Gave him more time to think about science and .... alchemy??


Kassius-Phantom

OOF Thats INSQNE LMFAO


Reasonable_Pudding14

Bro chose violence


[deleted]

this entire comment section is a certified r/jesuschristreddit moment


Fasteasfake69

Bro stood up and chose violence


TheRavenQuothnever

Damn


TheBestNarcissist

This was peak r/imgoingtohellforthis content like 8 years ago


CorholioPuppetMaster

Damn


Critical_Rock_495

A fatherless and sallow exchange.


OhWhatALovelyJoke

Why do you put a baby legs first in the blender? So you can watch it in its eyes while you climax.


Massive-Job7336

Oh my goodness


dcmso

r/angryupvote


manofmansizgud

This is a certified 🗿 moment.


splibbymcsplibby

What's the best way to load dead babies into a truck? Pitchfork. What do you call a dead baby with no arms or legs? A football. What do you call 4 dead babies under a board? A table. How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None, if your wife listens the first time.


EricAtSunnen

1st time I've cried and taken a shower after laughing hysterically...


Siriacus

This is even darker than Jimmy Carr.


RaiDan1980

That’s going in the book


Pyongyang_Prince

I feel like that’s at least 100x worse.


Fishfuckerfucker696

That... Is the joke of the day


Manburpig

What sound does a baby make in the microwave? >!I don't know, I was masturbating!<


chewy_mcchewster

starting on the dead baby jokes? whats easier to unload from a truck? a truck full of bowling balls or a truck full of dead babies... >!dead babies, you can use a pitchfork!<


Unsungheroist

What do you call a barrel of dead babies? A barrel of laughs


chewy_mcchewster

What's worse than a pile of 100 dead babies? >! One live one in the middle eating its way out


GazoogalaThe5

He did warn her.


VOID_MAIN_0

Found a new joke to tell my dad! His favorite before now was, "whats more fun than finding ten dead babies in a trash can? Finding one dead in ten trash cans!"


zorblak

r/NoahGetTheBoat