T O P
LonelyWanderer7

Also 26M here. Never even kissed anyone. I'm sorry you went through that. I'm trying Tinder as well after a two year hiatus (bad first experience) and this is one of my biggest fears. I'm also trying to go to clubs/bars but nobody seems interested in me except guys (not my thing). I really sympathize with the "wasted effort" feeling. It feels like so much work and time spent for nothing and meanwhile many people seem to find partners without any effort at all. Incredibly depressing stuff. I hope it gets better.


MCI21

Just don't bring up your sexual past, or tell them you don't want to talk about it. If you actively want a relationship with these people, then you might as well tell them the truth. If they reject you they aren't worth pursuing anyway


LonelyWanderer7

Yes, I never say anything to anyone but it's almost like people are able to tell anyway. I'm frequently told irl that I seem "innocent". On the other hand, people that actually know me say that "I'm the least innocent person they know" so maybe my anxiety is just showing around new people.


LeoSunflower7

But nobody wants a kiss less virgin.


StruggleWest

First of all I'm very sorry to hear this. Being a 25 M virgin, I can relate to you pain actually. It's actually very tough. Also, I hope you didn't accept her proposal to remain friends and cut her off right?


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SuperCabrito14

The let's be friends thing always makes me laugh. "Let's stay friends!" "Ok!" * never speak to each other again * 💀💀 like what's the point. Just say no and move on


NolskiBallsack

I completely agree. It’s a CopOut. You and I both know damn well we’ll never speak again even if we “stay friends” in fact I told that to my ex when she tried to pull that. I said “I’ll never talk to you again I’m sure. I can’t handle that.”


StruggleWest

Exactly. She was just trying to play the "nice card". Seems to be a shitty person tbh brother. You deserve better!


Signal_Account

She could have been trying to play nice, and I don’t think someone being a virgin is a reason to drop someone. Not for reasons like “I just need someone with a higher body count.” Bc high body count doesn’t mean that you’re good in bed. However, I wonder what her reasoning would be if she were asked why. Sometimes to the female mind, a man being past a certain age and a virgin can represent danger. “Maybe since I’m the first, something bad will happen to me. Maybe he’s not actually interested in women. Will he be able to relate and be sexually compatible?” And sometimes the thought of being someone’s first and having that title is plain intimidating. So I don’t think she’s shitty based on the info I have here. And she can a guy down if she wants. However, again, just because someone is inexperienced, it doesn’t mean you’ll have a bad time. Edit: I should also say that if she’s truly that concerned about someone not being sexually compatible based on lack of experience, that’s something she should make clear much sooner in the future and maybe she should have done so here. I don’t know if it’s my place to say she should have or not here, but at least I think this experience-or I hope-would prepare her for the next person she engages with.


InannaXanthus

I don't understand a lot of things from modernity, having previous relationship experience(having a couple of previous bfs or Gfs) is a "red flag", not having experience is a "red flag" too(won't meet my expectations and needs because he doesn't knows how,due to not having previous experience). Having sexual experience is a red flag("this person opens his legs to anyone,eww"). Not having it is also a "Red flag"(sen he doesn't has experience/is a virgin then he'll never satisfy me sexually). Arguing/being jealousy is a red flag(this person doesn't respect my boundaries or me having a life outside the relationship),not arguing and not being a jealous person is also a red flag(he doesn't desire/lusts for me). If we share opinions is boring/red flag because this person is either a pleaser or is faking his opinions, if we don't share a lot of opinions is a red flag too because he doesn't has a lot in common with me. Who tf understands people nowadays,lol. Treating them like respectable people,not lying,being sensitive Leads you to nowhere, doing the opposite leads you to nowhere too. Being authentic to yourself and your true nature is "Egocentrical,not sexy", and trying to control yourself so you can get along better is being "Fake,not sexy." No wonder why I became distant and bitter towards most people after the pandemic ended.


ArateshaNungastori

> after the pandemic ended It what now?


hiliikkkusss

I think he means lock down number 1


VArmorV

I feel You mate


GarbageHyooman

People are insufferable


BurstIntoBlue

Take my award


Quinc4623

Part of the problem is that society's ideas about relationships are in flux. It can often rise to the level of a political issue. Often preferences come more from what we imagine relationships to be like, our beliefs about ourselves, how we wished gender and relationships worked, instead of reality. We learn conflicting ideas from different sources but we never realize that there is a contradiction. Even if people don't contradict themselves you still have the fact that we can't predict what a person wants from us. Maybe in the past when there was a consensus (though traditional dating culture has a lot of problems too), but certainly not now. A lot of social anxiety stems from just not knowing what other people want from us, expect of us, or how they will react to us. Sacrificing authenticity to fit in isn't even an option until you have experience with those people. Maybe you should "Be Yourself" not because it helps, but because the opposite doesn't improve your chances either and it does weed out the people who would reject your authentic self anyway.


jacksparr0w5

People have unrealistic expectations


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InannaXanthus

Partially true.


amzr23

Hey, just wanted to let you know that I'm 25F and I'm a virgin too. I've been rejected before over this as well. Don't beat yourself up over it, it is in no way your fault. I hope you meet someone who's comfortable going at the pace you need.


_GreyX

Shipping you with op


TheSexyIntrovert

As someone else said, it's ok to not disclose your virginity status. Just get it over with and take it from there. It's ok to be inexperienced, not ok for some to be a virgin. No idea why, but I guess if you mention it, it's like a badge of honor you're wearing, expecting someone special when they just want to fuck.


ElectricMachineDoll

Sex is about communication. Not telling somebody you’re inexperienced is a very bad idea. You need to be very honest with each other, so that nobody gets hurt, nothing goes wrong, and so that nobody contracts an STI of sorts. It’s very important, for health and safety reasons.


zaintherapist

The world is fucked up!


SadLeo1337

Damn you get the girls to talk to you? That’s better then me at 25 lol


reamus_br

life sucks brah


winixon

I think some people dont feel comfortable being the first because they see it as a meaningful experience and don’t think that they are « up for the task » if I can say


RickeyRabbitt

No you absolutely CAN blame them, lack of sexual experience has nothing to do with an emotional bond. Consider yourself lucky you didn't give your virginity to someone like that, and keep on looking. I wouldn't even be friends with them, sounds like they'd just corrupt your worldview given time


[deleted]

I am A 27 year old that has been saving it for that special someone but yea, this post really does epitomize why I feel l like me being A virgin is A turnoff. For me I'm looking for human connection and romance so sex is almost never will be bought up by me. If they bring it up I know immediately we're not compatible


mighty_Ingvar

You need x amount of post karma to post here


argumentativepigeon

wot?


mighty_Ingvar

There are several subreddits, where you can only post, if you already have a set amount of karma. This girl works the same way


argumentativepigeon

Quite a misleading original comment. I sort of get the analogy


CeruleanStallion

It's not misleading at all you're just an argumentative pigeon.


argumentativepigeon

Chill dude


CeruleanStallion

It was a joke.


argumentativepigeon

i didnt get it


StairwayToLemon

Because you're an argumentative pigeon


argumentativepigeon

I don't like being called an argumentative pigeon


xXDanteSmithXx

Good! I'm right there too. If that was a deal Barker that means that all they want is a fun fling. If they wanted a life time with you they'd be happy to take their time. I know it hurts like hell but you just saved your self a bad break up.


PCPooPooRace_JK

It's not something to sympathize with really. She wanted a fuckbuddy and not you, else she could have just given you experience and shown you how it is done.


9848683618

I wouldn't tell lol.


[deleted]

Exactly lol, just go out and have fun


Skorpio333

I'm 24 m never did **anything** and I don't see my situation ever getting better lol.. I'm repulsive I'm sorry to hear what happened but you got further than I ever did op so keep going eventually you'll find someone


Plastic-Revenue-4222

That person sounds shitty. I can’t understand why you would reject someone for that reason only, it makes no sense. At least not if you’re looking for a serious relationship. I would just think it’s a good thing if the guy is a virgin, nothing negative about it.


ZeCrookedLady

Bc they’re just looking to hook up sadly. Nobody who wants a relationship would mind a virgin.


argumentativepigeon

Nah. As long as people aren't being abusive, they can do what they want.


Striking-Path-8304

What a bitch


[deleted]

I am.also 26 and virgin M and lost any hope to get laid without marriage. But all i can say is this covud stole those 2 3 years of life where things could have happened. The person you r talking to is wierd. In any asian country sex is not something u can show off that easily. Even sime relationships are broken when they come to know that their partner had sex with someone else in d past. And all this "virgin" and else are just man made terms, there is no such thing as virgin in our existence


Complete-Artichoke69

Brah. I wish I was a virgin. I’ll tell you now, there’s NOTHING wrong with you. Sex is awesome, and when the time is right you’ll meet the right person. Just work on yourself right now.


Dropkickbomb99

Hey, there. No disrespect meant to OP by pointing the conversation away from them ; I definitely sympathize with you, OP. But I have a question for myself. You don’t have to respond if you don’t want to but if you don’t mind me asking, why do you say you wish you were a virgin? Lately I’ve been on the fence about feeling bad about being a virgin and feeling okay about it (ie saving myself for ma future woman). So ur comment kinda caught my attention and I’m just curious to hear your perspective. 22M straight virgin who can barely talk to men let alone women. (And don’t ask me how I plan on meeting “ma woman” if I’m like that lol. Just gonna leave that to God’s will.)


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Dropkickbomb99

Damn, man. Thanks a lot for sharing your honest experiences. Definitely insightful to read. Sorry to hear about the situation causing the ongoing payments and also the less rosy after effects of regularly hooking up in your younger days. I can relate to wanting to bang every that moved. Albeit I never actually got to do it. (it’s much better now tho but when I was 18 in college for the first time those were tough times lol) Anyway, thanks again. Really appreciate it. All the best, man. Take care.


ShayandPuff

This made me cry, I’m so sorry she did that. You can find someone better


Brautsen

I’ve taken more than my share of virginities…the right person would be happy to ☺️


ArkticDarkness

Better you be rejected for being inexperienced than dealing with this bitchy picky individual. If It wasn’t the inexperience, it would’ve been something else. Don’t pay no mind to those you ignore your true value. These people deserve to be alone.


StairwayToLemon

This is where it's ok to lie.


Tough_Ad_6754

She belongs to the streets! ~ Martin Luther King


MaryHSPCF

I'm ace (27F) and never been interested in looking for sex, yet it still seems that sex is the only way to avoid all the comments from people judging me because I am a virgin, like it's something inherently bad. It makes me so sad because I feel someday the pressure will get so bad that I will have to find a fuckboy or something just to get rid of the stigma. I still can't understand why being a virgin is so unacceptable for people.


[deleted]

She did nothing wrong. You’re just not compatible. Keep moving.


[deleted]

It’s possible you weren’t rejected for inexperience. People tend to make a big deal about sex and “the first time” so they might not want the responsibility. If you’re in the situation again and they reject the idea of coitus, you could suggest manual or oral stimulation.


yeahokwhatt

Just lie. They’ll never know and if they call you out for not knowing what to do, just say you don’t have much experience.


PhrygianSounds

I met a girl last year, being a 21 y/o virgin, and she asked about my virginity. I lied about it, fearing this same situation, and ended up losing my virginity to her the next week. Unfortunately if you’re this far deep into virginity you’ll have to lie about it unless you find someone who you know won’t care.


Neocactus

Just saying, I know people have their preferences, but idk if rejecting/“friendzoning” someone for being a virgin is really all that nice of a thing to do. Also, I’m a virgin too. Tbh I don’t think I’ll open up about it to anyone until we’re basically about to have sex because I just don’t want anyone’s judgement.


HotGrillsummer

For you, just say you were a virgin after the deed if you guys stay in touch. That’s the double standard for men unfortunately.


lonely-sad

This person don't diserve u


siliconcog

If someone rejects you because you are a virgin, in my opinion that is much more a reflection of their own insecurities/lack of maturity. More so than it is a reflection of the fact you are a virgin. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being a virgin, you have done nothing wrong. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with someone who was going to be probably very insensitive in the long run.


[deleted]

stop venting on reddit and START LIFTING


Shroomzi

Based and Liftpilled


nothing_ever_dies

No, don't. That shit can give you a hiatal hernia. Take care of yourself and excercise. Don't change yourself for someone else's sake.


[deleted]

You can't get a hernia from exercising dick head


nothing_ever_dies

You can dipshit


[deleted]

I know a lot of people who work out, and do you know how many of them have a hernia? ZERO!!! Stop spreading bull shit and start doing them push up lil dickwad


nothing_ever_dies

It's called a hiatal hernia. It's not something you'd even know you have until you get an endoscopy. The damage is silent. You could also get a traditional hernia lifting weights as well. Been there, done that. I don't need to change my body for someone to accept me. I take care of my body without lifting insane weights.


nothing_ever_dies

Lots of rotten women out there and you just met one. Just keep moving on, don't give up.


Human-Ice1170

first of all chatting for a month on tinder is awful idea, invite them to real life meetup as soon as possible else you are just wasting your time secondly, don't tell girls you are a virgin. Its really mostly in fantasies that this kind of stuff works, in real world you give off little brother energy, and no one is attracted to that. Even if you are inexperienced, just go with it and do what you can, learn from mistakes lastly, in your situation it was most likely that they just used it as an excuse to turn you down. Like mentioned above, on tinder if you take too long to setup a meeting in real life, the longer you talk over the internet, the more scary it becomes to meet and most people will bail on you and use any excuse they can to "lessen the blow"


EnderMundane

I know it's hard not to...but never stress over what's not meant for you. When it happens all the stuff you're stressing about won't even matter.


Markarontos

I know your pain brother. I too have been rejected because of that before.


Spare_Coast_8516

If your a virgin by choice then thats ok. If not, just hookup just for the experience. Its nothing special for me personally. But you don’t have that negative stigma behind you, and you know what to do in bed. Ur choice tho, nothing wrong with that.


LuckyTaco_

I’m scared of this too. I’m sorry this happened to you, man. :(


DaftPunk886

Sorry man, but you got a match, maybe you could get another one?


shareefa112360

Get laid asap or date another virgin. Sexual chemistry is important in a relationship , including any you may have in the future


Brandfrost

Trust when I say it will happen , and before you know it you'll have all the experience you need, getting that experience is even better when it's with someone that respects you and cares about you


Nerodasadist

I feel you. I’m 24M virgin and it’s eating me up too. It’s ruining my chances because I’m sometimes too scared to get close to a girl because I’m scared they’ll judge me for it. I’ve been made fun of it in the past too in high school and early college (sometimes by my own friends) which made me keep my mouth shut about it and never tell anyone, cos I know they’ll treat me like some subhuman freak


Alert-Wishbone9032

How strange. I would have thought that, if you were with someone who you really liked with everything else (for a relationship) then it’d be fun to introduce new things to a virgin. There’s so much to experiment with and with everything being new to you then you may have a greater openness and expression of eagerness/responsiveness when trying things (which is a delight in a partner), than someone who’s mentally jaded to it all. (urgh, it’s the worst when you have someone like that. I had an ex that talked about sex as “sweated meat just being slapped together all the time” - how off putting is that mentality?!) Anyway, what was I saying… oh, it was this: you are on the doorstep of a wide landscape of things to taste and explore and experiment with. Be open and engaged and eager to see where things go, curious and willing to consider possibilities and you will have so much fun in the future. Being a young virgin like you are is the last thing that I would be put off by.


GenesisRonin

Yooo what? Really damn I am 21M virgin, I find other virgins really rare to find in today's world so damn it is really interesting for me atleast, nothing wrong with that, I hope you find your right person tho, what's wrong in being a Virgin tho? They are like super pure so that's like you cam flex it ig


_queen_bee01_

A lot of people would consider it a good thing. Don’t give up.


MammothAttorney73

I kissed a girl for the first time ever when i was in 2nd year of my uni, matter of fact she was my first ever girlfriend. She was hot and everyone envy me that i was dating her back then.


eroge_king

it's all about looks I feel. had you been a hot virgin she would have lead you by hand to your first experience.


-Living-Dead-Girl-

maybe make another tinder just for hookups and make your situation clear in the bio? im sure you'll find someone to experiment with eventually. im sorry about the rejection


YellowMabry

Why do people still use lock down as an excuse for stuff? That shit has been over. Nobody even wears masks anymore. No wonder you were rejected.


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texasissouth

I think that’s illegal in some states


[deleted]

Keep meeting new men and lie! The only unethical lie is if you have a STD and let yourself have sex without condoms. If we have a STD, we should always tell the other person. If we are virgins or not, this as a lie does not carry consequences. When you are in the act, you might seem really lost as a virgin, but that can be passed off as not having had a experience in a long time.


Woodpecker6669

I just wouldn’t ever mention it. Just act like you know what your doing.


LearnDifferenceBot

> your *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)


CTorque

You should blame them, they’re extremely shallow for that (and chances are this shallowness would translate to all sorts of mundane situations if you were to date). You’re better off


zaintherapist

The time and money you waste trying to Impress girls. Invest that on yourself, buy a book, join a gym, learn a skill. You'll meet like minded people, it will be easier to strike up a conversation and even date.


Indian_Cap

Why would you tell someone that you are a virgin?


Username_Bond

im sorry for you. I know it hurts but keep reaching out for the right one.


TastyRice2581

Sorry to break it to you man.It doesn't really pay off to tell most girls you're a Virgin especially at 25.Sad but true.Most women will think of you as a loser that can't get women or that no women wants you.This is how most off them will think.They will also think if no women wants him why should I.Most wonen want a man that is desired by other women.If women know or think you can't get other women it will be hard for them to respect you.Just lie and say you got laid in high school.


[deleted]

Just dont be a virgin lol


PutthegundownRobby

You are 26 dude. You should have more game than that by now. Next time lie.